Writing and The Lack Thereof

I haven’t written a lot lately. In fact, I haven’t written in the past three weeks except for one day. That’s a whole hell of a lot of not writing. I’ve even gone so far as to put my ass in a chair and my fingers on the keyboard and … nothing. I’m really disappointed in myself. I’m going to have to do a whole lot better than this if I ever want to do this thing full time. So what’s my problem?

I’m pretty sure I know what my problem is – I don’t know what I’m doing.

That sounds like I don’t think I know how to write, but that’s not the case. I feel confident there. I don’t have a well enough flushed out plot is my problem. I have my beginning and I have my ending. The story seemed simple back before I added a new secondary character that I really like. I’m going to kill this character as part of setting up the climax, and the death needs to be impactful. My current plot only has like six more chapters before I’m through, and I have SO much more to put into the story. There’s a conflict that needs to brew more between the BBG and the hero, there’s a budding romance that I need to develop more, there’s tension I need to deepen between the protagonist and her BFF, and then there’s the mystery that binds it all together.

It kind of feels like I’ve written everything BUT the book in question. Ungh. How disheartening is that?

Very.

I’ve been trying to chop things up into smaller and smaller pieces. That seems to help me wrap my mind around the things I already know, but not the unknowns. Lately nothing gets me less excited than thinking about writing than thinking about writing.

I know this is hard. I know I’ve gone through this several times before. I know that I can do it, yet damn … my motivation was better when I was suffering with full on depression.

I’m going to try two new things. First I’m going to try to list out all the actual things I think need to be addressed in big picture ideas, and then break them up into smaller and smaller thoughts which I’ll put into Trello. This isn’t exactly a NEW thing actually, but it is something I’m going to have to relearn. I think my plotting ability and my pre-work need to advance before the writing can come more naturally from start to end. Second, I’m going to try meditation. I’m hoping this will help me clear my mind of distractions. At the very least maybe it will help me calm the f’k down. I have some Xanax, but it makes me sleepy. I should exercise too … but ungh.

OK. That’s it for me today.

Don’t be like me. Go create something new.